Feathers, Kidston and jam jars, oh my!

You're going to think I have become obsessed with decor, and the truth is I have. This was always going to happen - I'm a person who even managed to change The Sims from a strategic life simulation video game (thanks Wikipedia!) to a delightful Grand Designs-style hobby, where I take on the role of a God-like Kevin McCloud, building and decorating properties for my pixels to live in. As a result, the look of our wedding has become something of an obsession.

Unfortunately, this brings me back to the tasteful versus personal dilemma. And once again, I would like to place the blame for causing this panic squarely on the growing number of edgy brides chipping away at my confidence in their magazine and blog interviews.

I have seen countless pictures of falling-down barns and ruined chapels decked out in bunting, antique bicycles waiting to be pedalled off into the sunset, tables set up in rose gardens and adorned with vintage lace tablecloths and jam jars filled with freshly-cut wildflowers. All of this is delightful - a Cath Kidston-esque mix of personal and informal (and we'll ignore the fact that quaint by Cath costs more than edgy Scandinavian by Ikea, meaning the price is far from shabby chic).

The problem is, I am tying the knot in inner-city Manchester. In February. There will be no wild flowers to cut, the bike will be stolen, the lace tablecloths will blow away, and the jam jars will just look a little bit sad and will probably be filled with nothing but my tears at realising my total failure at decorating a wedding.

That's the point - there's actually a great deal of effort that goes into shabby chic and it's never as thrown together as it looks. So, do I instead go for something more timeless, like candelabras and roses arranged tastefully by a florist rather than flung on the table by me? The problem here is money, as the cost of professional table centrepieces is so expensive it would be cheaper for me to arrange five lottery tickets for each person in a pile - and the guests would probably appreciate that more too.

Anyway, after spending weeks and several blog posts obsessing over décor, I decided I should just get over myself and make a decision. So, I took decisive action and bought some peacock feathers with the thought of arranging them in vases - simple, naturally beautiful, quirky and vintage. Unfortunately, I have since learnt that peacock feathers bring bad luck. And remembered I don't like touching feathers. And have a fear of peacocks.

I think I may go back to playing Grand Designs on The Sims.

Napkins on Elm Street

I have been AWOL for a week. I had no choice - I had to remove myself from the world of weddings for my own sanity. It was all getting a bit too much. And it all started with something so simple - napkins.

On Valentine's Day (how romantic) we re-visited our venue to pay the deposit. While there, I was asked how many guests we were having, what type of top table we preferred, what shade of carpet we wanted and, finally, what colour napkins we were having and how they would be positioned in the glasses. Napkins. That's what it took to push me from a state of wide-eyed confusion to the precipice of tears in an instant.

The fact is, there's a year to go and I have not, for even one second, thought about what napkins I want. I don't know if they will be red or white, folded in a glass or flat on the table, cotton or paper, or even shaped like a swan. I have been waltzing through life blissfully unaware of the importance of napkins. More fool me.

OK, so perhaps I let the whole napkins thing upset me a little too much. The problem is, I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want tasteful elegance, vintage drama or shabby chic. In terms of themes and colour palettes, I'm at a loss - and the biggest reason for this is potential regret.

I am worried that if I go for something full of personality it will look awful (a centrepiece consisting of porcelain cats doesn't really scream sophistication). But if I go for something more traditional, will I feel like I'm at a stranger's wedding on the day? In fact, I have become everything I hate, in danger of losing sight of what's really important at a wedding, but I just can't help it.

And all the while, that little (increasingly distant) voice of reason in my head is saying: "No-one will even notice. The centrepiece could be a Care Bear holding a candle - and NO-ONE WILL CARE!" That's the point - I've been to a lot of weddings and can remember very few of the table centrepieces, colour schemes or floral displays. I confess, I have no idea if any of them even featured napkins.

So, now you understand why I have taken a wedding sabbatical. If I hadn't, I fear this blog would have ended prematurely as a result of the writer drowning in a sea of napkins and tears.