I'm a writer and yet I have never written a blog. I never felt I had anything of interest to write about. Now I'm getting married, and although this is a rather run-of-the-mill occurrence, weddings also support a multi-million pound industry, with countless blogs, magazines and websites all eager to shout about them. So, I guess I now have something to write about.
However, the reason I felt compelled to write a blog is not to bask in lacy, bridal glory. In fact, I wanted to write about getting married in terms of the three leading feelings I have about this, the greatest day of my life: panic, laziness and guilt. So, before I delve into the flowers and confetti, I'll address these individually.
Panic
First off, I do not feel panicked about actually being married - far from it. I have been with my partner (who, in true blog style, shall be referred to as D from this point forward) for six years. I always counted myself lucky that I never had to hear comments like "has he still not made an honest woman of you" or "no ring on that finger, I see", served up with a pitying face. However, the last year such comments had started to creep in. The fact is, we have known for a long time we were going to get married, it was just a case of getting round to it. I'm glad he did though, as those pitying faces were becoming all too common.
No, the reason I feel panicked is I have to organise a wedding. Up to this point, I have never done anything more than throw a half-hearted BBQ for half a dozen people and yet now I have to plan and host an event for more than 100, all of whom will be travelling from all over the country and most of whom do not know each other. In fact, every year millions of women are suddenly expected to become fully-qualified event planners without even the knowledge they get to waltz around in an Access All Areas sticker on the big day. This is the real reason for the panic and stress.
Laziness
OK, maybe I'm not lazy. However, I do tend to avoid over-exerting myself. Balancing too many plates only ends up with something breaking, so I prefer to hold one plate firmly in two hands. But gone are the days when 50 members of your family would fill the pews in church, before heading back to your parents' home to tuck into a buffet. So now I have to start plate-balancing. I am going to have to make an effort and actually plan and execute something - the thought of which makes me long for the comfort of lazing on the sofa.
Guilt
What reason have I to feel guilty? Before you ask, I did not steal D from the arms of another. In fact, the very reason I have to feel guilty is evidenced in this blog - I am moaning. About having a wedding.
I have a favourite line in Friends. It's from the one where Ross has to decide whether to stay with Julie or leave her to be with Rachel. After bemoaning the fact that two women are in love with him, Chandler responds, saying: "My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"
This sums my feelings up perfectly. We all know the curse of the Bridezilla, but what about the Bridezmoaner? Who knows a bride who hasn't moaned about something? Even a teensy bit? Perhaps it's that the flowers aren't what they asked for, or they can't find the perfect dress (more of that in a later post). Somehow, the moans squeeze in, leaving everyone else wanting to scream "you're getting married! Cheer up, what's wrong with you?" And well they should. You are about to enjoy the day you have dreamed of since you were old enough to daydream - what is wrong with you?
The thing is, it's so easy for those moans to creep in, because planning a wedding is panic-inducing and does make you want to run and hide under the duvet. Yet moaning about it induces feelings of guilt. Although, better to be guilty of moaning than to be a smug bride.
So, therein lies my (hopefully unique) angle. This blog is for any bride who has feelings of panic, laziness and guilt mixed in with the happiness and excitement. Hopefully we can get through this together.
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