Napkins on Elm Street

I have been AWOL for a week. I had no choice - I had to remove myself from the world of weddings for my own sanity. It was all getting a bit too much. And it all started with something so simple - napkins.

On Valentine's Day (how romantic) we re-visited our venue to pay the deposit. While there, I was asked how many guests we were having, what type of top table we preferred, what shade of carpet we wanted and, finally, what colour napkins we were having and how they would be positioned in the glasses. Napkins. That's what it took to push me from a state of wide-eyed confusion to the precipice of tears in an instant.

The fact is, there's a year to go and I have not, for even one second, thought about what napkins I want. I don't know if they will be red or white, folded in a glass or flat on the table, cotton or paper, or even shaped like a swan. I have been waltzing through life blissfully unaware of the importance of napkins. More fool me.

OK, so perhaps I let the whole napkins thing upset me a little too much. The problem is, I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want tasteful elegance, vintage drama or shabby chic. In terms of themes and colour palettes, I'm at a loss - and the biggest reason for this is potential regret.

I am worried that if I go for something full of personality it will look awful (a centrepiece consisting of porcelain cats doesn't really scream sophistication). But if I go for something more traditional, will I feel like I'm at a stranger's wedding on the day? In fact, I have become everything I hate, in danger of losing sight of what's really important at a wedding, but I just can't help it.

And all the while, that little (increasingly distant) voice of reason in my head is saying: "No-one will even notice. The centrepiece could be a Care Bear holding a candle - and NO-ONE WILL CARE!" That's the point - I've been to a lot of weddings and can remember very few of the table centrepieces, colour schemes or floral displays. I confess, I have no idea if any of them even featured napkins.

So, now you understand why I have taken a wedding sabbatical. If I hadn't, I fear this blog would have ended prematurely as a result of the writer drowning in a sea of napkins and tears.